It’s been a crazy turn of events this past month. I didn’t land the job I loved in NY, and I keep telling myself that it wasn’t meant to be. It was heart breaking to say the least, but you live and learn.
Other than that, I didn’t think that the north country could offer me anything anymore, besides the love and support from my family and friends, and please forgive me because I say it with ease, but Massachusetts is my escape and I plan to grow and learn here. I am from MA originally, born and raised here for sixteen years, until my mother couldn’t afford the cost of living any longer. We moved to NY and the friends I made after week one are still my very closest and dearest friends. I do miss them, but it’s nice to know I have their support on my future endeavors.
Anyway, here… I am learning so much about how to be more confident in myself, I am getting into extreme shape, and I am becoming ever more open minded then I already am, and I have one hell of an open mind. I get to spend my days on the lake with my fabulous family and right now I am just enjoying myself.
Although… I feel like I am in a midlife crisis. I was almost certain that I was going to land that job I so badly wanted. I had people pulling for me, they called me to sub often, etc, and when my future didn’t pan out like I imagined, I soon had the whole world in my hands. Now this isn’t awful. I am grateful that I don’t have any restrictions (besides finances). I have no children, no owned property, and I have the freedom to go and be where I want. This feeling is overwhelming and I try not to stress every day, but it is frightening.
I’ve always been very versatile. I can adjust to my surroundings, meet and greet people, affect them without my knowledge and I am naturally a great influence. I find it ironic actually, because I lack confidence. I can tell you now that my family here in MA doesn’t lack at all with this quality, so after spending a few months with these people, I can tell that my skin will get tougher and I can fully be that awesome Miss Miller I am meant to be.
Other than that, I have no idea where my future lies. My mantra is whatever is meant to be will be. Although I am telling myself that, it feels different when you are in such a position.
Much love and hope,